on self-fandom

2026 05 22

i think it's important to be a fan of yourself and your work.

there is a tendency among artsy-types to flagellate themselves for creating,
or to have ever put pen to paper to begin with, god how could i have made
something so shit, please dear god don't let anyone see the puke next to my
unconscious body on the floor of the bathroom.

this is ok. when someone experiences a finished work, they only see it as
that. your vision made manifest, as far as they know. but you know better.
you know exactly what it was supposed to be, the fantasy you had in your mind,
and the comprimises you had to make with reality every step of the way in
bringing it forth into the world.
as i create more and more things, and i get more and more in touch with
myself and what i like out of media, i find it harder and harder to
maintain this mentality. if you make nothing but shit, you should make
it your shit. make no compromises based on what people don't get,
don't like, or don't find sexually exciting. once you start looking only
toward your own approval will you find liberation. plus, no one's gonna
look at your stuff anyway, like i really don't think anyone who isn't me
is ever going to read this site, unless you're some kind of future historian
documenting the nobodies of the early 21st century.

i love everything i've made and i'm proud of it. at the end of the day,
i think the only thing that's really important is your own satisfaction when
it comes to creative endeavors. it's not that your works will never reach
anyone or inspire anyone, but self-expression is own reward, to borrow
a known expression. it makes me want to make even more shit, as fast and
as soon as possible, because i can't wait to see what i come up with.